Death Race

Here is my two word review of the remake of cult classic Death Race 2000, by film auteur Paul WS Anderson:

 SHIT SANDWICH!

-the end

Under The Radar Pick Of The Month - 13 Tzameti

So each month I have a plan; and that plan is to try and review an underrated or under-seen movie. The first installment of my Under The Radar Pick was a stunner - 13 Tzameti. 13 Tzameti has one central conceit that is the backbone of the movie, and I don't know why someone hasn't thought of it before, because HOLY SHIT it is awesome. Rather than just tell you outright what it is, lets get into the details.

First off, this is a foreign film mainly in French. It is a film noir, shot entirely in black and white. If black and white, low budget, foreign films turn you off, then you are an ass in my book;but if that kind of shit doesn't make your bull run, then just skip this one all together. With that out of the way, although this is low budget, it is one of the most tense, heart- thumping pieces of cinema I have seen in a while. 

13 Tzameti starts off with our main character Sebastien, a Georgian immigrant living in France with his destitute family. He is trying to make ends meet and he takes a job repairing a roof for a man named Godon, who also happens to be a morphine addict. While Sebatien is repairing the roof he keeps hearing the addict and his girlfriend argue about money and talk about some mysterious job that is apparently dangerous, but pays extremely well. There is a shadowy figure who is watching Godon's house, taking pictures and is keeping a close watch on the mail that is arriving each day. One day a striped envelope appears in the mail. Whatever the information is in the envelope, it is obviously important to many people. Shortly after the arrival of the envelope, Godon overdoses on morphine and is found dead in his bathtub. Godon's girlfriend leaves a window open and the striped envelope blows out the window. Sebastien finds it outside as he is working and takes the envelope. Since Godon died, the impoverished Sebastien will not get paid for his work and his family can barely afford food. Sebastien looks in the envelope and finds a train ticket to Paris and a reservation in a hotel room. He needs money for his family, and since he overheard Godon and his grilfriend talking about the envelope and the potential money involved, he decides that he will take the envelope, head to Paris with the train ticket and see what this job is all about.

This is where 13 Tzameti really starts to pick up steam. It is almost impossible to talk about this movie without some spoilers, but knowing what I am about to impart will not ruin the movie for anyone, but be forewarned, some mild SPOLIERS LAY AHEAD. If you are interested in this movie and want to go in without knowing about any of the mystery, then stop reading here. You can just take me at my word that 13 Tzameti is a tense, thrilling, film noir, that was obviously made outside of hollywood and is completely and epicly awesome in its badassitude. OK, still with me? Lets press on....

So, our protagonist Sebastien hops on a train to Paris and heads to the hotel room. He is also being followed, by people we learn are police officers. He arrives in a dingy hotel room and gets a call; the man on the phone tells him to head to a locker in a train station and gives him a combination. Once at the locker he opens it up to find an envelope with more instructions. The instructions tell him to get on a train, but to get off the stop before the marked stop on the ticket. Sebastien follows the instructions, which is a good thing, because it helps him to avoid johnny law. He then takes a taxi to the middle of nowhere, gets out, and another car arrives for him to take him to another destination. He finally arrives at an abandoned house in the forrest where is is then searched thoroughly, then transported to his final stop. 

The really great thing about this whole exchange is that we have no idea what is going on, the only thing that we know and that Sebastien knows is he is doing something potentially dangerous and potentially lucrative. The suspense builds, but it is nothing compared to what is ahead. 

We finally arrive at a secluded house in the woods. Rather than get bogged down in more details, lets just get to it. We know something shady is about to go down, but don't know what. This is where the tension is really ratcheted up as we learn that he is there to participate is an illegal russian roulette game. Obviously Sebastien wasn't supposed to show up, but the wealthy men basically tell him he can participate and possibly live, or they will just kill him; he really has no choice but to take part. 

This isn't your normal russian roulette game either. 

There are 13 men that participate in the game. Each man is handed a revolver and one bullet. They then stand behind each other, with the gun pointed at the back of the other participants head. They spin their cylinders and are all told to watch a light-bulb in the middle of the room, once it lights up, they have to shoot. The tension that builds up to this first round of roulette is stunning. My heart was pounding, and the actor playing Sebastien really exudes a sense of dread and despair at the situation that is laid out before him. I don't want to give much more away, but obviously a few of the men die, and some don't. With each subsequent round of roulette they are given one more bullet, increasing the odds that they will kill someone or be killed themselves. Also, with each round there are bets placed on each participant. Millions of Euros are being bet on each round, and the winner, or surviver in this case, stands to win an assload of cash. You feel terrible for Sebastien because he has no choice but to participate, but you are also disgusted at the men betting on this demented game, but at the same time you also wonder why any of these other men playing roulette willingly participated.

After each round, we are left to wait with the participants of the game  and watch their dread and tension build. Some take morphine to cope with the stress, others seem to relish in it. With each ensuing round, waiting for that light bulb to turn on is a nail biting experience. 

The conclusion of the film is a real punch to the gut, and it doesn't really end like you expect.  It was a very satisfying ending, one that you definitely wouldn't see in a conventional film. It is an ending which really focuses on the film noir stylings and I couldn't have been happier about how it play out. I wouldn't be surprised one bit if a major director like David Fincher or Scorsese remade this one, because it seems like something that would be right up their alley. My only real criticism of the movie is that its low budget roots show through in certain scenes. If they had a better cinematographer on this movie, it would have made a big difference. Still, the story, the acting and the idea behind 13 Tzameti more than make up for the low budget nature of the film. There is a reason that this movie won the World Cinema Jury Prize at Sundance in 2006; 13 Tzmeti truly is a film that builds a palpable tension and keeps you guessing throughout the entire running time.

For any fan of film noir, thrillers or even crime genre movies, 13 Tzamati is a must see. Skip the usual fare next time you are reorganizing your netflix queue and take a chance on a small film, with an awesome premise.

Burn After Reading

There has been a lot of hyperbole being thrown around about the Coen's new movie Burn After Reading. Let me get this out of the way: this movie is not The Big Lebowski. It is not as funny as The Big Lebowski and you will not, as some reviews have stated, be quoting this movie for the next decade. Burn After Reading is a good, solid Coen film; which means that it is a lot better than most of the crap that passes as a movie these days. It definitely puts the missteps of Ladykillers and Intolerable Cruelty far behind them. 

Burn After Reading is a spy thriller of sorts, but instead of a film populated with smart and sophisticated double agents, it is populated with complete morons. Starting out as a series of unrelated events we are introduced to a group of characters whose lives become intertwined after a CD ROM of ex CIA Agent, Osbourn Cox (John Malcovitch) memoirs are found in a Hardbody's Gym locker room. The disc is mistaken by trainer Chad (Brad Pitt) and Linda Litzke (Francis Mcdormand) as highly confidential "shit". The two trainers try to blackmail Cox very poorly, often with ridiculous results. Meanwhile George Clooney's character, Harry Pfrarrer is a narcissistic, sex addicted, paranoid Treasury Department Agent who ends up sleeping with several of the characters in the movie through an internet dating services. Rounding out the cast is Tilda Swinten as Osbourn Cox's cold hearted, bitch of a wife. These are our main players, who through pure stupidity, lying and philandering end up being involved in a series of events that proves tragic for almost all involved. 

The less said about the specifics of the plot the better. I had some of the movies best moments spoiled for me in advance, and this is one of the few movies where I wish that it hadn't been spoiled.

Everyone in the cast is outstanding in their roles,  but the real standouts here for me were Brad Pitt as the clueless trainer Chad, Francis McDormand whose perpetual happiness actually shows a layer of desperate sadness underneath and JK Simmons as the head of some unspecified division at the CIA. Simmon's character gets pulled into the fray because Jon Malcovich's, Osbourn Cox is ex CIA and JK Simmons is left bewildered at the events that transpire and ends up cleaning up the mess when all is said and done. I felt Simmon's actually got the biggest laughs in the movie and he steals every scene he is in. But, before we get any further, we have to talk about Brad Pitt as the hilarious Chad. Chad's crappy hair and outfit alone was enough to make me laugh out loud several times. Pitt is truly hilarious in this role. He really is Chad and all that matters to Chad is working out, rocking out to his ipod, chewing gum all the time, his co worker Linda Litzke and his bike. He has no idea what he is doing and is pretty much along for the ride and will do whatever Linda asks him to do. That being said, he is so stupid, that he is completely without malice and what happens to his character in the end pretty much made the film for me. Which leads me to the ending of the movie...

WHAT A FUCKING ENDING!!! I wont spoil it, but be prepared for some extreme scenes of violence in the last 20 minutes. I would say the violence is is on par with Fargo or No Country For Old Men in terms of graphic depictions of violence. Really, the ending of the movie is what saved the film for me. The rest of the film wasn't bad by any means, and it is better than most other Hollywood fare, but this is the Coens and I expected a little more from them.  The ending for me ties the entire film together and is both shocking and hilarious at the same time. The fact that I really loved the ending so much may say more about me and my demented personality, because many of the negative reviews I read beforehand seemed to focus on the abrupt ending and the violence as being negative aspects of the film, but I couldn't disagree more. Just be prepared for the violence, because it is truly shocking and I could hear half the theatre gasp out loud, while I on the other hand was laughing. 

For any fan of the Coen Bros, this is a must see film. Everyone in the cast is spot on, and the trademark Coen humor and wit is on full display. Their social commentary is on full display and skewers everything from America's obsession with beauty, to divorce and even addresses the ineptness of our government agencies. Burn After Reading is nowhere near as funny as Lebowski or Raising Arizona, and it is not as dark as No Country or Fargo; I would say that if you crossed Lebowski with No Country For Old Men, then you would have a good idea of what you are in for with Burn After Reading. Another solid effort from Coens. 

A Damn Podcast

So, go check out this awesome podcast. My friends Adam Palcher and Adam Sherlock host it weekly and it is full of awesomeness. They usually do a movie review, top 5 lists and more. I even guest hosted an episode and we discussed The Thing. Go check it out, it rules.

www.podfeed.net/podcast/A+Damn+Podcast/14112

Torche - Meanderthal Review

So Torche's new album Meanderthal has been out for a while, but I felt compelled, nay I felt crushed by awesome metal pop riffage to review this record here and now. I can't stop listening to this juggernaut of a record. I thought that Torche's last album was pretty decent, but nothing prepared me for the leap forward they took here. Metal purists may disagree with me, but metal purist can go huff glue in the corner and keep lamenting the death of Cliff Burton while sewing their latest Slayer patch to their denim jackets. Me on the other hand, I will move on while listening to incredibly awesome riffage, melded with a pop sensibility that Torche has created on my favorite record in a long time -- the MIGHTY MEANDERTHAL! Torche was know previously for their infamous "bomb note" and sludgy riffs; the bomb note being an ultra down tuned top string, that when struck produced an epic sonic sludge, that was more of an earthquake than a note (I previously thought it was produced through a whammy pedal, but my pal Morgan gave me the real scoop). They still use the bomb note here,  so don't get your panties in a bunch. 

Torche blazes through 13 incredible tracks on Meanderthal. Barely pausing, this album's first six tracks fly by at a breakneck speed, with not one of the first six tracks topping three minutes. Each song is balanced nicely with vocal melodies, huge riffs,  and even some pop hooks, which is why some metal purist may dismiss the album. It's strange, because the album still has plenty to offer the headbanger, but in the mix is a real pop sensibility. The first six songs are more in the sludge or metal vein, but on the sixth track titled Healer, something you don't see much in metal happens: there are  "woah oh's" thrown in.  Yup. Woah oh, woah oh. It works though. The "woah oh" vocals really signal a shift in the album; they come at the end of the song, but going forward the record has a distinctly different feel and sound. The seventh track, Across the Shield, is where a real shift in the album takes place, and this is the point where I expect the metal purist to really scratch their long-haired, greasy heads. Is this a metal band? It is still metal, but the rest of the album seems a little more straightforward rock, in the vein of the Smashing Pumpkins,  Helmet or even Foo Fighters. This is a good thing in my opinion.  Torche is still able to retain their huge sound and heaviness, while adding real hooks and well thought out melodies to each song. 

I would recommend this record to just about anyone who enjoys hard rock, which is not something I would do with a lot of other "metal" bands. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love metal; but most metal bands don't have these kind of tricks in their bags so to speak. I will listen to Gaza, Slayer or Mastodon till the cows come home because they are so brutally heavy, but that type of music isn't for everyone; maybe Torche isn't for everyone either, but I could see them have a much broader appeal than many other metal bands.

 Torche is truly a dynamic band, and if you are still pissing and moaning about their new direction, then you need to see them live. Although they have moved in a poppy direction, these songs will still punish you right to the core in a live setting and rattle around in  your skull, like any good metal band should. All I can say is this album rules my fucking face and if you don't like it then you have terrible taste in music and you should be ashamed to voice your opinions in public.